We should establish now that I'm inspired by one particular artist above them all. (And, admittedly, a little obsessed) This artist's name is Brooke Shaden, and she is responsible for getting me off my couch and into my creative process many, many times. Brooke is ALWAYS creating. She releases new material all the time. And her art is simple, has a clear message, and she is really consistent. She puts a lot of effort into the little details, and little detail by little detail she creates powerful and moving artwork. It has always seemed to me that she sees an image in her head, and then goes out and creates exactly that image, step by step.
I've found myself wishing that my brain worked that way, but it doesn't. And that's probably something I will learn to appreciate later in life, and it will become part of who I am as an artist, and I will embrace it. For now, though, it's pretty inconvenient. What I'm trying to say is that my creative process is a mess. I'll think of a concept I'd like to illustrate, and an image or two will pop in my head, but I really only see one piece of the image. I don't see the color scheme, the background and foreground, the clothing the subject is wearing, I just see the concept in general and I see the way it makes me feel. If you don't know what that means, that makes two of us.... the result of this madness is that my final image is rarely the image I got in my head and set out to create in the first place. While this works well for me sometimes, it mostly just slows me down and complicates things for me. Another result of this messy process is that my concepts morph with my image. I may begin trying to create art about making the hard choices in life and end with a piece that illustrates being trapped in a daily routine. This also complicates my life.
What I think I've realized, though, is that this is a result of me always creating in my comfort zone. I typically use myself as a model because getting other people to do what I want is way more awkward and time consuming and complicated (in a way) than just me and my camera and a shutter remote.... additionally, since moving to a new area, I haven't explored and I haven't met anyone new who can model for me and adventure with me. That will all happen in due time, but I already have a hard time letting people in on my creative process so I think I'll have to take baby steps.
The point is, though, I could go explore and adventure on my own. I could go set up a tripod in the woods as easy as I do it in my apartment or my sister's home, but any time I attempt that I end up anxiety-ridden and stressed out about people seeing me being the weirdo that I am. I was slowly working on that fear in Glenwood, but now I feel that I'm back to square one. Also, it's winter.
Another way I could look at this messy process is to see it as an advantage. I definitely have to tilt my head and squint my left eye... and hold my breath... but it could be an advantage. Maybe it's more natural this way. Maybe I would be missing out on something if I streamlined my process. Maybe there's some poetry to my mess. Or maybe that's just what teenagers try to convince their parents of so they don't have to clean their rooms.